and it continues

Have you ever met someone who no matter what you do always wants more or is never happy with you I have one of those in my life and it gets so frustrating sometimes as of right now I'm not talking to my parents not because I'm mad at them but because I can't handle having so many fights and I take responsibility for some of those fights but I'm sick of hearing the phone ringing and having anxiety that its my parents wanting to talk to me about some other problem they have thought of I went to my grandparents over the memorial day weekend and it was so fun and relaxing we went to a play and to dinner and to vist some of my relatives graves which was interesting to hear stories about them while there my parents called a total of twenty six times (I'm not kidding) and left five messages finally I just talked to them to make them stop they wanted me to go on prescription sleeping pills because they had heard from my employer that I was not sleeping through the night they wanted me to answer them right then because I'm going off their insurance as soon as I turn nineteen this week I told them I didn't want to bedcause I didn't want to become dependent on them that started a whole other conversation finally I had to go to church they called after church and said they were giving their parental rights over to my grandparents what parental rights I'm nineteen I am legally an adult so I'm not quite sure what they meant by that lol but they wanted me to ask my boss off for Tuesday Wednesday Thursday for my sisters birthday the and I was supposed to ask her to not have meetings take it off work and we also have an extra kid we babysitt on Wednesday and Thursdays it just wasn't possible but all they kept saying was that Amy would understand I'm sure she would but this is my job this is how I pay rent I'm not just going to leave her in the lurch like that I bought her a birthday present and sent it with my grandparents gift so I'm in trouble for that but I just don't want this drama anymore but we will see how my birthday goes this weekend David is coming up and we are going to lagoon and to spend sometime together I miss him a lot he is my best friend ever snd we talk all the time so that will be fun then I'm going to my grandparents for dinner so hopefully those of you who know both of us this is my side of the story

everything is falling apart

So once again I find myself in a bind I love the kids I nanny they are so darn cute but living with this family is so akward I feel like an outsider like a guest that has over stayed their welcome I'm sure they don't mean to make me feel like that and they are really sweet I just don't know something is wrong then thee is my parents

aspens play

Tonight the little girl I babysitt was in a play she was flaps the bird she did such a good job it was so cute and I loved watching her afterwards when her parents were hugging her. And taking pictures and giving her her flowers I couldn't help but be a little sad that used to be me dance recitals and competions and I miss it a lot I feel bad that my parents and I will never have that again that picture time and the flowers and the proud look on my dads face though he didn't really understand dance anyway aspen did amazing

salt lake

So I finally moved up north I love it here I have a huge room and its decorated so dang cute I have enjoyed getting to know Amy all over again she was one of my older best friends. When I lived up here we went shopping all the time it was really fun I love the kids that I'm nannying they are just so darn cute

catch up

I wonder some times if we put a time line on our selves get married at twenty have kids by twenty two and then their are the culture expectations in Utah it is considered the norm when girls get married right after high school boys are expected to get married six months to a year after their mission outside of Utah people would never dream of marrying that young then their is the category of miss fits that I fall under I am turning nineteen this month I don't have a boyfriend and don't really want one I think its stupid to get married before your twenty your not developed enough as a person I don't want to tie myself down to one person so soon I want to go explore the world I want to live on my own and experience life I want it to be what am I going to do Friday night not what are we going to do Friday night I have two friends in particular that come to mind when talking about this area one of my friends is mature beyond her age and I never ever thought she would get married young in fact the month before she got engaged we had a talk about how she wanted to finish school first etc etc then she met her husband now this is the part I don't agree with first time she met him they held hands second time she met him they kissed third time she saw him he asked her to be his girlfriend fourth time he proposed fifth time they got married now he lived in cali so it was a bit different age got married two weeks before her nineteenth birthday now my other friend met this guy in ninth grade waited for him on his mission graduated high school early so that she could marry him as soon as she turned eighteen which she did twi weeks after she turned eighteen she is eight months pregnant now and turned nineteen two months ago now she is better prepared than most couples are her husband has a career and they can afford a nice town house but is she mentally and psychologically ready for this I have no idea maybe she is and though I know I want to wait for marriage and get married when I feel is right I can't help but be jealous of my friends I want that perfect wedding the wedding ring to plan the wedding I want a baby I want to go home and tell my husband I'm pregnant and watch him get excited I feel like I'm watching all of my friends race ahead of me with their lives while I'm stuck in the same old rut I go to their weddings and that little nagging voice in the back of me head saying what if you never get married what if you wait to long what if no one wants you so I end this post with the beginning to we out time lines on ourselves