o savior stay this night with me behold tis eventide

I attend an institute class called doctrines of the hymns. Music has always been a huge part of my life since the whole reason that I danced was to express what I thought the music was saying to me. Music has been what has gotten me through the hardest times in my life. Tonight we were talking about comfort and how heavenly father never leaves you alone. My teacher asked us to think of a song that helps us when we are in our darkest moments. Through the past year and a half I have had to learn some very hard lessons and I cant count the hours I spent on my knees crying and talking to god about what was going on. But on the darkest nights and when I felt the most hopeless and that I couldnt possibly bear any more pain or heartache or sorrow the following hymn was the only thing that could make the feeling going away

Abide with me; 'tis eventide.
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.

[Chorus]
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide.
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.


Now my lessons and sorrows and hurts are different but I still gain so much comfort especially from the words o savior stay this night with me behold tis even tide o savior stay this night with me. I cant count how many times I felt the presence of my savior on those dark nights where I didnt think I could handle things anymore. I am so thankful that I can ask for that comfort and that our savior is loving and cares for each of us so much that he would comfort me even when its nothing compared to what he had to go through. I am so grateful for those institute, relief society and sunday school lessons where you feel the spirt so strongly that you dont know whether to cry or be overjoyed or both. I am so grateful that I have an amazing institute teacher who is willing to take what he learns with his work from the mormon tabernacle choir and share with others. I am thankful.

I am 20 years old!

I turned 20! I am officially no longer a teenager. So this birthday was a fantastic one I had so much fun. Because it was memorial day sara, troy and I decided to celebrate it early since we had a couple of BBQ's we were invited too. So on Friday all of the "grown ups" (meaning sara and troy and I) had a Farscape marathon. And since no one has any idea of what Farscape is. Its a sci fi show that troy got me into and now am addicted too. yes I know I am a geek lol. My cousins also gave me some gifts that they had gotten me they had each drawn me a picture and written me a letter it was very sweet and cute. my aunt and uncle got me a tempurpedic mattress which is absolute heaven and I have no idea how I slept without one before. They also got me a CTR ring thats pink and glittery its really cute, and an itunes card. Sunday I celebrated my birthday with my Grandparents and my aunt I went over and had dinner with them after church and I got a book on money management and some really cute clothes. My aunt gave me a gift card to the movies and I have plans with her to go and see the new twilight movie eclipse. saras parents came over on monday and gave my a birthday card with 20 dollars in it. and saras sister gave me another itunes card so all in all I made out pretty well for my birthday. =) I was also woken up on monday by my two best friends calling and singing happy birthday too me. Bryce called me at six in the morning just to sing happy birthday and to let me pretend to be annoyed at him for waking me up early. Then about an hour later Jill called and sang Happy Birthday very loudly and off key but I loved it. I have some truly amazing friends =)

Its my sister michaelas (though I hear she is going by Claire now) Birthday today so Happy 12th Birthday!

My brother also graduated this last week unfortunately I was not able to attend but I am so very proud of him for making it through high school and not tripping on the stage. Congratulations Adam!

So right now I am looking for another summer job, getting ready to go on the trek and staying busy with my calling in the church. Life is finally in order and moving forward and I couldnt be happier

I'm Baaaack

I am back!!!! wow what a whirlwind finals week then california then back and now were packing to go up to wyoming for the pioneer trek. So first off the vacation was marvelous! My aunt and uncle own a time share so we had a three bedroom condo at a resort for all of you people in the st george area it was a lot like Green Valley Spa. the rooms the pool everything was just amazing. when my aunt and uncle vacation they vacation in style lol. The first thing we did was play on the beach all day which was fun to just relax and play in the water the next day we went to lego land which i thought might be a little bit cheesy and for little kids but it was so much fun everything there is either made to look like its made out of legos or it actually is made out of legos as soon as i figure out how to post pictures on my blog i will upload some. so the next couple of days we relaxed by the pool with complimentary smoothies ( I know your jealous lol ) =) the second day we went to lego land amanda one of my cousins got sick but over all it was still a good day the next day i had the same bug amanda had so i stayed in the condo while everyone else went to the san diego zoo but it was ok i spent the day watching avatar and twilight lol we then got into st george and had some dinner and stayed the night with a couple of my aunt and uncles friends and saw jill before she went to china for ten days which was a lot of fun i forgot that the only thing to do in st george at midnight is go to walmart so I saw a couple of people there. Then we came home over all the trip was amazing and fun and I cant wait to do it again my aunt and uncle are talking about going to the lego land in Florida when it opens next year. Anyway finals week was a nightmare of course but I passed all of my classes which I jumped up and down over as my aunt laughed at how stupid my happy dance was =) yeah so right now were trying to get ready for our pioneer trek in June and doing a really intensive work out routine so that we will be ready to walk the eight miles every day so far its kicking my butt but its working I lost five pounds from it all ready and its only been a week well thats the update hope everyone is doing great =)

Lego Land, The beach, and the temple my dream vacation =)

Hello world I know I know I need to post the rest of the walk with christ but with finals and work and family I have basically no time. So quick update since I wont be online much for the next two weeks. Finals start this week and holy hannah I have never been this stressed about them but I am on top of all my homework ( for the first time in my life lol) so this saturday the day after finals my family and I are headed off to California for ten days were going to lego land the beach and to the San Diego temple and maybe to sea world were still deciding on that. I am so excited to go I havent had a real vacation in almost two years and I love california and have never been to Lego Land so it should be way fun and exciting. Then after we get home from that I have my 20th birthday.... wow I feel so old lol Right now my only big plans are to spend it with my family and then day before my friend Blake apparently has some surprise he has come up with....I think I should be concerned =)then we have a pioneer trek in June where we will be going to Martins Cove and I am way excited for that as well. So basically I have a very busy summer coming up and I am so freaking excited about it. hmmm other news my best friend Bryce moved to pennsylvania today which was way sad but he came up to say good bye to me before he left and its only for the summer and its an awesome job so I am way happy for him. I think thats all for now I love you all have a good week =)

Walk with christ day two

Ok day two of the walk with christ activity for those of you just reading Im doing an activity where you walk with christ the last seven days of his life. Its been really interesting and uplifting so far.
Day two
Day of authority
Jesus Christ returns to the temple and drives the moneychangers from the outer court
read Matthew 21:12-15
thought- we all have things we need to cleanse from our lives each day. this is why our loving heavenly father provided us with the opportunity to repent. Are there things that you need to "cast out" of your "temple"?
challenge- today I will choose one thing that I need to cleanse from my life and sincerely repent and strive to do better
Envelope 2
the card files
in that place between wakefulness and dreams, i found myself in the room. there were no features except for the one wall covered by small index card files. these files stretched from floor to ceiling and went endlessly in both directions. as i drew near the wall of files the first to catch my attention was one that read "boys I have liked" I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it shocked to realize that i recognized the names on each one. i then realized where i was this lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system of my life. here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small in every detail. a sense of wonder and curiosity mixed with horror stirred within me as i began opening files and looking at their contents. . some brought joy and sweet memories others a sense of shame and regret so intense that i looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
a file named friends was next to the one marked friends i have betrayed the titles ranged from the mundane to the weird. books i have read lies i have told comfort i have given. jokes i have laughed at. people i have hurt. some were almost funny in their exactness
things i have done in anger. things i have muttered under my breath at my parents. often there were many more cards than i expected. sometimes fewer than i had hoped i was overwhelmed by the volume of life i had lived. could it be possible that i had the time in my young life to write each of these thousands of millions of cards? but each card confirmed this truth each was written in my own handwriting each signed with my signature.
when i pulled out the file marked songs i have listened too. i realized the files grew to contain the contents. the cards were packed tightly yet after two or three yards i hadnt found the end of the file. i shut it shamed not so much of the quality music but more by the amount fo time i knew it represented. when i came to a file marked "lustful thoughts" i felt a chill run through my body i pulled the file out inch by inch not willing to test its size and drew out a card.

I shuddered at the details. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded a rage broke through me no one must see these cards no one must ever see this room. i have to destroy them. in a frenzy i yanked the file out its size didnt matter now i had to empty it and burn the cards. i took it out and pounded it on the floor not a single card would come outi desperately pulled out a card and tried to rip it but it was strong as steel.
leaning my forehead against the wall i let out a sigh then i saw it the title "people i have shared the gospel with: the handles were brighter than those around it newer almost unused i pulled on its handle a small box fell into my hands. i could count the the cards it contained on one hand. and then the tears came. i began to cry sobbing so deep it hurt my stomach i fell on my knees and cried out in shame the rows of shelves whirled around me. no one must ever know of this room. i must lock it up and hide the key. But as i pushed away the tears i saw him no please not here oh anyone but jesus i watched helplessly as he began to open the files and read the cards. i couldnt bear to watch his response in the moments that i could bring myself to look at his face i saw sorrow deeper that my own he seemed to go to the worst boxes. why did he have to read every one finally he turned and looked at me with pity in his eyes
but this wasnt a pity that angered me i dropped my head and began to cry again but he didnt say a word he just cried with me then he got up and walked back to the wall of files starting at one end of the room he took our a card and one by one he began to sign his name over mine.
No i shouted rushing at him all i could find to say was no no as i pulled th card from him his name shouldnt be on those cards. but there it was written in red so rich so dark so alive the name jesus covered mine. it was written with his blood
he gently took the cards back he smiled a sad smile and began to sign all the cards. i do not think i will ever understand how did it so quickly but the next instance it seemed i heard him close the last file and walk back to my side he placed his hand on my shoulder and said "it is finished" I stood up and he led me out of the room there was no lock on the door. there are still cards to be written...


I love this story repentance is a huge part of my testimony I know that Jesus Christ died for our sins so that he could save us. Thinking of being that girl in that room and how it would have felt to have Jesus say it is finished and the relief and the shame and sadness that she must have felt knowing that jesus had the power to do that but shamed and sad that he had to do it.

walk with christ

So my aunt and uncle are doing an easter activity that I love so I thought I would share it with all of you. Starting today (the sunday before easter) We will be walking with christ through his last seven days on Earth. so here is the description starting this sunday and for each day this week, take a few minutes out of each morning to open the numbered envelope and the corresponding easter egg and read the contents. Have your scriptures handy and a scripture marking pencil. read the indicated scriptures and write your insights into your journal think about the challenges and try to incoporate them into your day keeping christ in your thoughts. put the slip of paper that we have put in each egg on your mirror to remind you. make personal progress a part of this journey. the nature of this activity is such that you will get out of it exactly what you put in. may you blessed with a greater understanding of the saviors life and feel an increase in love and gratitude for his sacrifice.

Day one
day of recognition
Jesus Christ rides through the city gates at Jerusalem and is greeted by followers waving palm fronds as a welcome to their king. He vists the temple
Read Matthew 21:6-11
thought- would we be one of those who cheered as christ rode into the city or would we ask "who is this?" How well do you know the savior?
challenge- I will think of christ more often and make my prayers more meaningful so that i may come to know him better. I love this challenge How many times do we pray but not really think about what were saying? Its just the same words over and over are we praying to have a conversation with god and Jesus Christ or are we just praying because were supposed too?
Envelope one-what it means to know christ
A man passes away and was resurrected and waiting in a room to be interviewed another man was ahead of him. the door opened the man entered the door closed the interviewer began. I want you to tell me what you know about Jesus Christ.
well, he was born of a virgin in bethlehem he lived thirty three years spending the last three in his ministry organizing his church choosing his apostles to direct it giving the gospel to direct out lives.
the interviewer stopped him and said yes, yes thats all true but i want you to tell me what you know about jesus christ.
well, he was tortured and crucified that we might have eternal life. three days later he was resurrected that we might return to our heavenly father.
Yes,yes that is true but i want you to tell me what you know about jesus christ. the man a little perplexed again began well he restored the gospel in its fullness through joseph smith reorganized his church, gave us temples wherein we might do work to save our dead. he gave us family prayer and family home evening where we might unite with our families. he gave us the priesthood to heal the sick and personal ordinances for our salvation and exaltation.
the interviewer again stopped him and said all of what you have said to me is true. the man was then invited to leave the room. after he left the door opened and the second man entered. as he approached the interviewer he fell upon his knees and cried, "My lord, My god."

Would we recognize christ if we walked into that room?

you learn something new everyday

So today in institute we were discussing goals and my institute teacher challenged us to write down 100 things we want to accomplish before we die they could be little things or big things. things we thought we would probably never accomplish but would like to or something that we are very near to accomplishing so I decided to start my list I havent quite gotten to a hundred but I would like to post some of them on here so I can go back later and see how I did in accomplishing them if I accomplish any of them lol.
Hike Havasupi
Get a bachelors degree from BYU
Hike Zions
Become an EMT
Graduate from institute
Be on a dance company again at least for a year
Get a PHD (not quite sure in what yet)
Go on a mission
Get married in the temple
Be a woman of prayer
be an RN
become either an institute teacher or teach world religion on a college level
Always be worthy to enter the temple
Get organized (if you know me you know im terrible at this)
repay my school loans as quickly as possible
Teach a dance class
Own my own dance studio
Be on a professional dance company
Learn to love myself for me not what anyone else thinks of me
Teach my children the gospel
Vist every country
Live a year in England
Own a red or pink vw bug
Read all of the books on the BBC list of books you should read
Volunteer my services as an RN to third world countries that need my help
Continue learning getting as many degrees as I am financially and time wise able to
Become a public speaker
Become a motivational speaker
write a book
learn to draw
learn to sew
learn to cook
become a pastry chef
own a bookstore
read the book of mormon every day even if its just a verse a night
run a marathon
run the st george marathon
build a house with habitat for humanity
act in a play
act in a movie
dance in a movie
learn to sing
own my own house
never go into debt again even for school
own my own car
learn to change a car tire
learn to change the oil
vist all fifty states
write in a journal every day
vist every temple



those are only a few of the things I have listed but I loved this challenge it really made me think about what I wanted to accomplish I hadnt really thought about how many opportunities I really had available to me. I can accomplish and do whatever I set my mind too. My life is so different than what I had envisioned in high school. I always thought I would get married within two to four years of getting out of high school and then have a family. College was just to kind of pass the time until my life started. I now want completely different things. I still want to get married but Im not just waiting for it to happen. I want to go on a mission I want to get as much education as I can. I want to make the world a better place. I have never felt this on fire before its nice to finally have some direction in my life instead of worrying about the stupid things I did in high school like being on the cheer team or who won the game on Friday. I loved high school I had some awesome experiences but its time to let it go and move on with my life and I have never been more excited for my life to start =)